![]() |
KenjWagner.com - Writing and Writers |
|
|
|
Vital information and articles related to writing.I Am Biodegradable - My Writing Is Not
My dad was wrong. I just discovered that I am good for nuthin' after all. In fact I've been good for nuthin' all along. I am 100% biodegradable and that means I can be recycled into nuthin'. It also means that no matter how much I waste, no matter how much I consume, no matter how much I pollute, in the end I am environment-friendly. Best of all, I now have an end use. Now that's something to put on my resume! This comes as particularly good news to somebody who is not sure what his purpose is. Sometimes I write these humor columns, pretending to be funny. Sometimes people even laugh, and I worry that it might be the start of an ominous trend. Sometimes I am selling my happiness book, pretending to be a successful author. With 2,000 copies of my book keeping the floor from floating upwards, perhaps I AM successful. Levitating floors are generally not considered signs of success in this part of the country. Sometimes I am optimizing websites for search engine rankings. "What exactly does that mean?" I am often asked. "Well...it means that I get my clients' site high up in the searches." Blank stare. I try again. "It means that I help Google show you my clients' web sites. Blank stare. "Well...I'm not sure how to explain it. But I get paid to do it." People understand that. "I turn on a machine that defluctuates the turbo-rotating modulator down at the spare parts plant," someone adds. "What exactly does that mean?" I ask. "Beats me. But I get paid to do it." We are soulmates. Sometimes I write for pay, because people seem to want something written. They hope that if they can't say it themselves, I might be able to find just the right words. "C'mon, David. You have lots of words. Why don't you lend me some? Why, just last week you promised to 'defenestrate' me, whatever that means." They want me to put their thoughts into words, and occasionally they want me to create their thoughts. I worked for a politician years ago. I vaguely remember how to write somebody else's thoughts before he knew he had them. "So what do you write?" "Web site copy, mostly." "Really? Not another book?" "No, I still have 2,000 copies of the last book piled up in my office." "I'm sure they'll sell quickly, David." "Really? Want one?" "Uh...gotta go. It's time for my pet goldfish's nap." I also write this humor column faithfully every week. But people actually PAY me to write website copy. Now, dear reader, answer me this question. Would you rather be reading this hilarious column, loaded with frosting and topped with chocolate syrup, or would you rather read plain vanilla website copy. OK, go ahead and read the website copy, then. See if I care. One thing my website copy and this column have in common is that they are not biodegradable. Remember how computers would save the environment as they replace the three gazillion tones of paper we trash every few hours in offices around the world and elsewhere? Now we discover that all that paper at least was biodegradable, recyclable, reusable. It wasn't all that bad for the environment, after all. But the monitor you are reading this on will last forever. (SFX: evil laughter) Adventure seekers from the planet Zorgoppppt will land here in the year 2304 and discover all these abandoned monitors scattered around. One Zorgopppptian will say to the other, "prrg, ddyte h hthp oooo djudu" (Translation: "Groovy paper weights!") But they won't find me, thanks to my lifetime achievement. I'll be long gone, because I am (chest swells with pride) biodegradable. About The Author David Leonhardt is biodegradable and happy at: http://www.thehappyguy.com He is author of Inspiration & Motivation To Go: http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php The Get Happy Workbook: http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-work-book.html and Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness: http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-self-help-book.html To write your website copy, newsletter or award winning biodegradable cereal box copy, email him at: Info@thehappyguy.com
MORE RESOURCES: table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/0i-0fd=Rurl=http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2008/11/josh-schwartz-x.htmlcid=1272117988ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNHPp6ftZnyY6-fL1oaMfddfQ1APYAimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=5Qh8QxQfiBoJimgurl=popwatch.ew.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/11/19/jeangreymeester_l.jpg width=80 height=60 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Entertainment Weekly/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/0-0fd=Rurl=http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2008/11/josh-schwartz-x.htmlcid=1272117988ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNHPp6ftZnyY6-fL1oaMfddfQ1APYAJosh Schwartz bwriting/b #39;X-Men#39; sequel: OMFG or WTF?/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fEntertainment Weeklynbsp;-/font nobr23 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1And that#39;s why I#39;m more than a little perturbed by the news that Josh Schwartz (exec producer of GG, as well as The OC and Chuck) will be bwriting/b (and b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/0-1fd=Rurl=http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/20/arts/20arts-001.html%3Fref%3Dartscid=1272117988ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNHWgdrZm-XnzsQZV_3AVHemGD_k3A‘X-Men’ Heads Back To Boyhood/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrNew York Times/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/0-2fd=Rurl=http://www.empiremovies.com/index.php%3Fid%3D25039cid=1272117988ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNFRyoJy3cGQfY-nnb58LQzienmNdAJosh Schwartz bWriting/b X-Men: First Class/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrEmpire Movies/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/0-3fd=Rurl=http://geeksofdoom.com/2008/11/19/gossip-girl-writer-still-scripting-x-men-first-class-not-directing/cid=1272117988ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNFspcJVToxEK1xzbe6I5m6XLUxT-Q‘Gossip Girl’ Writer Still Scripting ‘X-Men: First Class’; Not b.../b/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrGeeks of Doom/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1 class=pa href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/0-4fd=Rurl=http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b69550_new_x-men_getting_oc_treatment.htmlcid=1272117988ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNFVoo2qV5EWQOY9ocw7y1OEHpTwjgnobrE! Online/nobr/anbsp;- a href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/0-5fd=Rurl=http://www.firstshowing.net/2008/11/18/fox-moving-forward-with-gossip-girl-young-x-men-spin-off/cid=1272117988ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNFO5vf5eawxET_vyK9kslObNWWnlwnobrFirst Showing/nobr/a/fontbr/font class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1272117988hl=ennobrall 71 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/1-0fd=Rurl=http://hometownlife.com/article/20081120/LIFE/811200351/1106/NEWS13cid=1272586162ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNHcnZoNNhv4F7BkPkxTJc1ERWCF6QNovi resident offers insight to world of bwriting/b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fNovi News,nbsp;MInbsp;-/font nobr1 hour ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1By Kelly Murad • STAFF WRITER • November 20, 2008 quot;There#39;s A Book In You is bwriting/b in its simplest form,quot; said Durant, 72. quot;It#39;s about understanding the b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/2-0fd=Rurl=http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jQUZaPLYcXsZAbUiOd_xe7VbRprgD94I7Q7G0cid=1272355186ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNG-mWxq1Z5SlRv5CZte4FUwx_24DgRapper gets 20 years after bwriting/b shooting song/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fThe Associated Pressnbsp;-/font nobr20 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1DUBLIN, Ga. (AP) — He shot a man twice and felt so good about it, police said, a rapper wrote a song describing the shooting and calling out the victim by b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/3-0fd=Rurl=http://www.billboard.com/bbcom/news/article_display.jsp%3Fvnu_content_id%3D1003893924cid=1272368528ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNHwlmyrqaf-4-JljNjVTRcYcfBGYAOneRepublic bWriting/b For New Album/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fBillboard,nbsp;NYnbsp;-/font nobr22 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1To celebrate the platinum success of its 2007 debut quot;Dreaming Out Loud,quot; OneRepublic was originally planning to reissue the album with bonus content in time b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/4-0fd=Rurl=http://www.delmarvanow.com/article/20081120/NEWS01/81120010/1002cid=1272551038ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNEGu7KHuIOITocXXU_Tq-IQyvUwMAGEORGETOWN: Ex-trooper admits bwriting/b phony tickets/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fDelmarva Daily Times,nbsp;MDnbsp;-/font nobr4 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1GEORGETOWN -- A former Delaware State Police trooper from Georgetown has pleaded guilty to charges he wrote phony traffic tickets to fictitious people. b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/5-0fd=Rurl=http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article5197439.ececid=1272548634ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNF5NDjT-wCi9T1M9I6f1OLwMFj9AATeenager murdered for bwriting/b love letter/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fTimes Online,nbsp;UKnbsp;-/font nobr4 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1quot;The accused killed the boy for bwriting/b a love letter to a girl of the same village. There was a scuffle, and he was pushed in front of a train,quot; b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/6-0fd=Rurl=http://www.greenvilleonline.com/article/20081120/NEWS01/811200331/1071/YOURUPSTATE01cid=1272341092ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNESPqfH99c8CBwxixw64P5FSpReAQSimpsonville woman charged with bwriting/b bad checks for jewelry/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fGreenville News,nbsp;SCnbsp;-/font nobr10 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1By Paul Alongi • STAFF WRITER • November 20, 2008 Greenville police are warning businesses to watch out for a Simpsonville woman who was charged Wednesday b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/7-0fd=Rurl=http://www.daily-times.com/ci_11027781cid=1272548632ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNHDXEhFSCQjfnn43pyn5qzJjZ4uZgBloomfield schools benefit from bwriting/b project/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fFarmington Daily Times,nbsp;NMnbsp;-/font nobr10 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1By G. Jeff Golden The Daily Times As part of the Bisti bWriting/b Project, local artist Margaret Katirgis visited students at Blanco Elementary School this b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/8-0fd=Rurl=http://www.redbluffdailynews.com/news/ci_11022829cid=1272306922ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNEaiQ9i_f2EUmy0wBmBboGt_INH8gFlournoy students use bwriting/b tool/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fRed Bluff Daily News,nbsp;CAnbsp;-/font nobr22 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1FLOURNOY- Along with an investment in a one-to-one laptop ratio, Flournoy Elementary School piloted an Internet-based bwriting/b application from November 2007 b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/9-0fd=Rurl=http://www.tmcnet.com/usubmit/-flournoy-school-students-right-online-writing-students-participate-/2008/11/19/3801329.htmcid=1272601743ei=CJ4lSb25NKT2ygTLmuy7AQusg=AFQjCNHWK1E8g3tOZWF1jPkF3ehK5WzvGQFlournoy School students are right online in bwriting/b: Students b.../b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fTMC Net,nbsp;CTnbsp;-/font nobr12 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Flournoy Elementary School discovered technological bwriting/b success for its students by participating in an online educationally based pilot program this b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table Writing - Google News |
RELATED ARTICLES
The ENTP Inventor Writes A Novel People familiar with the Myers-Briggs Personality test know that the writer is the INFJ. This person is introverted, intuitive, feelings-oriented and judgmental. Self-Examination Self-examination sheds light on a writers motives, goals, and aspirations, while self indulgence hide the obvious and absorbs any illumination before it occurs.When a writer exams his motives, goals, and aspirations, he opens up new viewpoints because he or she sees other avenues to writing; perhaps the short story writer can see a novel develop from the theme of a short story, or an article to clarify that subject matter. Which Comes First - Short Story Or Novel? A writer writes. Bet you've heard that one before. 5 Effective Web Writing Tips Writing for the web is very different from writing for the print medium. Writing for the web requires some special abilities. The Best Freelance Job Boards for Writers How many times have you checked out a job board to that either it no longer exists or that there is one or two jobs listed. Out of the hundreds of job boards on the Web today, how do you find those containing projects that you are interested in and qualified for. Have You Settled On First Choice When Choosing A Title? Short Story Writing Tips -We've established what a title should be and we've also established your title is your selling tool. So if it can make or break the sale of your story, then we'll have to agree that it is extremely important. Six Tips for Creating More Lifelike Story Characters Working on my first humorous novel, I started with a single character. I followed suggestions in writers' reference books for developing story characters. How To Write to a Word Count You've finished your story, and you're pretty happy with it. The plot is gripping, the characters are lively, and the pace zooms along. Piecing It All Together There's a little known secret we writers like to keep to ourselves, because we fear that if word got out, readers would immediately become disillusioned and abandon us. It's not as bad as a reviewer spoiling a twist in the plot of a book, I suppose. Write A Better Newsletter! You've decided to write your very own Newsletter to promote your business, communicate with your customers, or just for FUN.You've read hundreds of newsletters. 14 Tips On Writing The Short-Short Story The short-short story has been likened by some as being closer to writing a poem than a story. And that makes sense-every word has to be packed with power; every line has to move the story along. Is Horror Dead? I've noticed a big shift away from traditional horror recently, in books, shorts and in subs to E2M.What's happened to the werewolves, devils, demons, ghosts, vamps and other nasties?Some claim that the above has been done to death. Writing About Writing What am I going to write about?Which topic is the best?Who is going to be interested in my article? You can ask yourself endless questions on 'what' is going to be the subject of your article. Don't despair! This is not a problem . Five Common Errors to Correct Before Submitting a Letter or Report First impressions count in writing too! So it is always a good idea to carefully check documents such as letter, reports, and proposals before submitting them. Below are five of the most common errors. The Unwritten World Of The Reality Of Letterwriting You may wonder why I have chosen this title of this post. Well from my experience is that it is really hard to put the feeling into words about what letter writing means to me. Nonfiction Idea Generators The hardest part of nonfiction writing is finding a subject to write about. Unless you're a student or a professional writer no one is going to select a topic for you. Print-On-Demand: A Definition and a Comparison The purpose of this article is to consider Print-On-Demandpublishing as an alternative for the aspiring author. It has itsstrengths and its weaknesses. Pairs/Groups Of Words Often Confused - Part 4 of 6 LATER, LATTERLater means afterwards; latter is the second of two things."Later that day we went for a walk. Realize Your Book Dream In 2005! If you haven't realized the success you wanted last year, here's a way to reap the harvest with 86% improvement!Use the power of visualization.When you see, hear, and feel your book project already manifested through specific outcomes, you'll be in the 86% success group. Common Writing Mistakes Most books aren't rejected because the stories are"bad." They're rejected because they're not "ready toread. |
|
Writing Home Page | Writing Site Map | News | KenjWagner.com Home Page EZmatic.com | Entertainment | Institutions | Loans | Hairstyles Pictures | Health | ZippyGo | TrafficFifh KenjWagner.com - all Vital information and articles related to writing and writers. |
| © 2006 |